Creating your wedding guest list can be one of the most challenging parts of wedding planning. Deciding who will share your special day with you requires balancing your vision, goals, budget, and venue size with your relationships with important people you love.

Here are our tips to creating your Wedding Guestlist without guilt, shame, or peer pressure.

 

Step 0: Don’t Make Promises Too Early!

Learn from me – don’t make any promises too early about who and who will NOT be invited. Once you get engaged, family and friends will naturally feel excited for you and start asking details about your wedding. Some eager friends may assume they are invited, and many may assume their kids are invited.

Make sure not to make any promises, and just let them know that you are still early on in your planning process and haven’t made any decisions yet. Otherwise, some people may stand to be disappointed 🙁

Step 1: Start with a Guest List Limit

Before making any decisions, define the maximum number of guests you can actually accommodate based on your budget and venue. This sets the framework for a manageable list and will be invaluable when making those tougher calls down the line.

There’s no hard or fast rule about how many “declines” you’ll get, but typical weddings receive a 5-15% decline rate. This % can vary depending on various factors like:

  • Are people really excited for your wedding? Are you known for throwing the best parties? >> If so, then most likely everyone will try to attend!
  • Are you an only child? First one getting married? >> Then RSVP yes may be high.
  • Is everyone traveling from out of town? >> If so, then you might have more declines.
Step 2: Embrace the Intimate Gathering

More guests mean more expenses, which can add up quickly with catering, seating, and favors. Keeping the guest list intimate allows you to focus on close family and friends who genuinely enrich your lives and whom you’ll feel most comfortable around. An intimate gathering also lets you spend quality time with each guest and adds a special warmth to your celebration. Plus, a smaller list gives you room in the budget to splurge on elements like food, decor, or entertainment that can enhance the overall experience for everyone there.

Step 3: Categorize Guests for Better Perspective

Categorizing your potential guests can bring clarity to your decision making. Separate your list into a Group A, B, and C, and create labels like:

  • Immediate Family/Chosen Family: Parents, siblings, grandparents, and chosen family members
  • Extended Family: Aunts, uncles, cousins, and other close relatives
  • Close Friends: Long-term friends and those you talk to regularly
  • Friends and Acquaintances
  • Friends from different life stages, work, or social circles
  • Work Folks: If you’re considering inviting coworkers

By seeing guests grouped by category, you’ll quickly identify the core group you can’t imagine celebrating without and those you might include only if space allows.

Step 4: Set a Strategic +1 Policy

Inviting every guest with a +1 can add up fast. Instead, set a thoughtful +1 policy that works for your guest count and aligns with your vision for the day. Here are some things to consider:

  • Do you want everyone to get a +1?
  • Should +1s only be for those in long-term relationships, engaged, or married?
  • Consider not inviting +1s for casual dates or people you haven’t met yet. (I did this for my wedding and people all understood and weren’t offended.)

 

Photo by Khariza Rae

Step 5: Make a Draft and Sleep On It

Once you’ve categorized and applied your +1 policy, make a draft list. Step away from it for a day or two to get a fresh perspective. When you come back to it, you might find that some names feel essential while others may feel less so, making it easier to finalize your list.

Here’s our make or break question:

Ask yourself: “When I see this person at the wedding, am I going to be excited and happy to see them?” If the answer is no, maybe consider not inviting them.

Step 6: Consider Children Carefully

Deciding whether or not to invite children can make a significant difference in your guest count. Some couples choose an adults-only wedding, while others invite only the children of close family and friends. If you decide to include children, make the policy clear in your invitations and on your wedding website to avoid any confusion.

Step 7: How To Handle Parents Who Want To Invite EVERYONE :/

Many couples feel pressure to invite certain guests out of obligation, such as distant relatives or family friends. In many Asian families, they are required by custom to invite EVERYONE which can be stressful on a budget. If space allows, consider including them; if not, don’t be afraid to stand by your choice to keep things intimate. A kind way to handle this is to let them know you’re having a small celebration with limited space but look forward to celebrating with them on another date.

 

PRO TIP: Consider asking your parents who want to invite their entire rolodex to chip in to cover costs of guests that you don’t know. When you give them the cost, make sure you divide by the ENTIRE wedding budget, not just the cost for food, because chairs/napkins/DJ/glassware all cost $$ too.

Step 8: Invite Group A, Then You Can Always Invite More!

As you send invites and receive RSVPs from Group A, some space will open up. This is a perfect time to extend invitations to your Group B and C. The guest list may need adjustments as you receive RSVPs and confirm final numbers. Use your categories and priorities to make changes as needed. When difficult conversations arise, keep your responses brief and honest, letting people know you made the decision that felt right for your day.

Remember: it’s your wedding, meaning your rules. Most people understand the decision and are happy just to be invited. Setting this policy early and applying it consistently will make it easier to explain if questions arise.

 

💙
Gina Mariko
Founder & Chief Experience Officer
Weddings In Color